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I’ve been going through the “almost” 50 middle life crisis. I’ve been evaluating, life death, wrinkles, sags and bags, who I am and am I on track for my destiny? What is my destiny? What is my PASSION!
I feel a lot younger than I am. Some people even put me 10 years younger than I really am! I’ll take it! But that is not the point any longer.
I go through thoughts of “Wow, did I miss it? The whole point? The whole point of me being on this earth? Where did the time go anyway? Someone stop that clock!!”
I’ve decided I have waited to officially become an artist for too long. After all WHO decides if you are, if you are not?
I think I held my own standards of what I thought an artist was. It was kind of generic, kind of a floaty out there thought, nothing really tangible, but always something that I have not achieved.
Then in a span of a week I had all kinds of people say things about me being an artist. “Well you KNOW you’re an artist! That’s how artists are. And Kelly is an artist.” etc…
Hmmm when did I arrive? Why did I miss it? What was I thinking that I was doing all these years when I produced art in all it’s forms? Cooking? Delivering mail? Answering telephones? Driving a truck? I was producing art! Ergo, I am an artist!
Wow, like I am almost 50, wondering about my destiny etc so on and so forth and I am IN my destiny! Striving to BE what I already AM! How many of us are doing that?
I’ve always wanted to change the world. Make it a better place. Help people and help them be happier. Heal them, love them, make them see their worth. I’m a pretty good cheerleader I am told! But yet, I forgot to cheer lead myself. I think I am going to do that. It’s a strange feeling, lifting myself up!
Things changed drastically in the time I have realized I am who I am! I am free to consciously create on PURPOSE! I can guiltlessly carve out hours in my day to create and do art! Previously it was a guilty pleasure. Kelly’s little hobby. I squeezed funds here and there to work with substandard materials because it WAS a hobby, so I thought. I was an avid hobbyist. I was a PASSIONATE hobbyist.
I can buy a really GOOD canvas now, guilt free. I can buy really GOOD for real for real artist paints! I do not have to apologize. I do not have to be embarrassed to call myself an artist. I can do all things art now with a freedom I have never known!
I cannot tell you the freedom and lightness I feel now. What all this has done for me as a person. I made silk flags and scarves and hand painted them for years yet I was a business person to me, not an artist.
Guess what! I really AM AN ARTIST!!!
WHO are you?
Kelly, this is really great. You are a daughter of THE Creator of heaven & earth and all that is within them. Of course you are an artist. The exquisite beauty of all the expressions you make (flags, fractals,painting, graphic arts) testify to the gifting in you. If God is infinite (and we know He is) than the possibilities for creativity will never cease. I so long to see the colors, sound, beauty of heaven. Every thing alive, at its prime of being, and beyond description. Through your creations, I get a glimpse of the what is above & beyond what I can now know. Thank you for helping me to “see” more than I ever could before. Bless you.
Thank you SO much for saying that! That is what I hope and what I dream to happen!
Kelly!!! Not only are you a very gifted artist but you are a wonderful writer! You have been able to express what you have been going through so well that it helps me identify what I have been going through. But guess what ??? Tonight I told someone that “I am an artist” and actually showed them some of my work on my computer. . Ahhhh. , I think I have gotten step one out of the way.
I can’t wait to see what the Lord has in store for you. I see it just all tumbling out because once you ‘get it” there is no stopping you. You are so talented and I can’t wait to see how that all comes together. It’s gonna be awesome. Love you girlfriend!
Isn’t it a journey! I kind of feel in hindsight this was a DUH! Moment lol! I feel privileged to watch you walk out your destiny right in front of me Vicki! I used to write way more, even poetry! Who knows! Once I sink comfortably into this new couch of realization, perhaps I’ll even start to write more! YOU know the journey I’ve been on! Love you back!
Feel better now? You should! Be free!! Go paint!! I can’t wait to see what this new chapter produces. You will post pictures, right??
Much love,
Carol Sherman
Ah Carol!! Of course I will post pics
But first I think I am going to purge the old lol. There are some things I just can’t stand to look at lol. I’ll recycle some paintings 
If I may offer some unsolicited advice, save back at least one or two of the old that hold some meaning so that, down the road, you can see how far you’ve come as an artist. I, too, am a purger. I have lived to rue the day I purged certain things…
No worries, I have digital copies. Oh now some of them! ROFLOL! I can remember as I was doing them how I liked them, and now they rub raw lol.
I know the feeling…that’s how my career as a purger of the past began.